Author's disclaimer: Pet Fly, Inc., Paramount et al owns them. No copyright infringement intended. No profit made etc.
Author's notes: This is the story of how Jim and Blair got together before the events in Dinner Can Wait, the first story posted in my Love and Friendship series. POV's from both Jim and Blair. I don't know what particular work the Oscar Wilde quote comes from, I got it from the movie WILDE. I love getting feedback so praise and criticisms are equally welcome. ***Oh about the game, the New York Knicks won in the last 4.5 seconds with a miracle 3 pointer from G. Allen Houston which ended the Miami Heat's 1998-99 season. I didn't know the final score so that is inaccurate.
Love and Friendship: The Remote Control
Jim Ellison took a swig of lite beer, his steely blue eyes intent on the tiny figures moving across the flickering screen.
"Ah, come on!" Jim cried to the screen as Houston's ball ricocheted off the rim. The Knicks were losing 92-94 against Miami with only 10 seconds left to play.
"Hey Jim. Hand me the remote. It's time for that special on the Discovery channel I told you about," called Sandburg as he casually walked into the living area and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. His left hand reached out for the remote that was sitting by Jim's right hand.
Jim picked up the remote and quickly handed it to Blair without conscious thought, his eyes focused intently on the bright blue gaze of his smiling roommate.
"Thanks," Blair said as he quickly changed the channel, his attention already on the television screen.
Blair's face was animated with interest as he watched the animals of the Brazilian jungle shot in their natural habitat. He was sitting with one leg fully extended to rest on the coffee table while his other was tucked beneath his blue jean clothed butt. 'The kid is actually taking notes' Jim incredulously thought to himself.
Although he had seen Sandburg do it countless times before it still gave him a kick to see it. Blair held a small green spiral notebook in his left hand on which he scribbled something occasionally. Two small creases appearing on his forehead each time he did so. His full lips parted slightly as a body of water flashed onto the screen.
"Beautiful. Right, Jim?"
"What?...yeah" Jim hurriedly replied switching his gaze from his roommate to the television screen where some animal was drinking water.
Jim's regard quickly returned to his curly-haired roommate who was once again engrossed in the television program. A distracted left hand reaching up to push the wayward curls out of his face.
'I could watch Blair forever.'
Jim's mind came to an abrupt stop as the significance of the thought hit him colder than a dive into sub-zero water. Confusion reigned as he realized that he had been staring at his roommate for over 10 minutes, ever since he had handed him the remote control. The game. He had been watching the NBA's Atlantic division playoffs...
'Shit!' Jim thought as his eyes narrowed in their focus on the curly brown-haired man who had breezily entered his life and proceeded to drive him crazy with his antics-not to mention the monkey's, over four years ago.
Jim's sky blue eyes traveled from the slender hairy toes visible on the bare foot laying on the coffee table, along the jean clad leg, past the narrow-hips up the trim trunk to the facial profile of the man who looked more like an druggie than an academic with his wild curly hair. As his gaze lingered on the tip of the pen that was being held between the full mauve lips, Jim felt his body inexplicably tighten.
"I'm going for a walk" Jim abruptly said out loud.
"What?...okay," Blair said distractedly his eyes never leaving the screen as Jim got his jacket and quickly made his escape.
The Street outside the Loft
Jim strode along the sidewalk not really seeing the people and places that he passed; his attention focused inward on the chaotic thoughts whirling around in his brain.
'I must be out of my mind to let Sandburg change the TV to some friggin nature show when there was 10 seconds left in the game. What the hell was I thinking when I handed him the damn remote! Carolyn use to say that not even death would get me to let go of the remote control. I can't believe I did it! I have 50 bucks riding on that game!'
It wasn't until he reached the water's edge that Ellison panicked thoughts slowed until only the one he had most tried to ignore remained. He now stood in the little park near the loft that bordered the bay. His eyes gazed out unseeingly over the choppy water.
'I want Sandburg.'
Jim's eyes closed tightly at the thought. He turned around and walked a few yards to collapse down on a park bench with a groan.
'I don't believe this!' he thought as he buried his head in his hands. 'I am too old for this crap! I have never been attracted to another man. Not during my "screw the old man" teen-age phase. Not at the gym. Not in college. Not during all that time in the army, when a good half of the unit was screwing around. I just was never interested. So why now? And why Sandburg of all people? I love him all right, but that doesn't mean that I should want to sleep with him. He's a crazy kid. Okay, okay he's almost 30 and he's good-looking...just look at all the damn skirts he's gone through in the past four years. (A bitter grimace covered his face for an instant before it was quickly gone.) Women gobble him up like he's fucking chocolate. And that's another thing, he's straight. There would be no way in hell that he would ever be interested in the middle aged cop who destroyed his dream career; let alone the one who got him killed.' Jim's mind winced at the memory of Blair's wet body floating in the fountain. He still had nightmares that he hadn't gotten Blair back.
The vision of the wolf and black jaguar merging together instantly came to his mind's eye. 'Could that be the reason?' but just as the idea formed he dismissed it. This desire he felt for Sandburg didn't have the same feel that he associated with any of the previous spiritual episodes he had experienced.
'But this doesn't make any sense' Jim argued to himself, 'why would I begin to lust after Sandburg now, all of a sudden?....But did it begin all of sudden...or was it always there?' Jim's breath caught at the notion.
He never had responded to Sandburg the way he reacted with other people. He had always considered himself a "hands off" type of person, guarding his personal space with a vengeance. Don't ever let anyone close enough to hurt you. Hell, thanks to his sentinel hearing he knew that was the impression everyone at work had of him before Blair. He talked to no one about his private life not even Jack. Carolyn only knew of his father's existence because it came up when they did the wedding invitations and the damn guest list.
A cold-hearted son-of-a-bitch who was a good cop. The guys actually had had a bet on how long it would take Ellison to throw Blair out when he first moved into the loft for supposedly only 1 week. 'Come to think of it, did that bet ever end? Who won?' Jim's forehead wrinkled as he scowled. Hell, no one was more surprised than he was when he had let Sandburg move into the loft in the first place considering how much he likes his privacy.
'Why didn't I throw his butt out of the apartment, especially after Larry trashed the loft? It was those damn puppy dog eyes of his' Jim snorted to himself as he raised his head and sat back to watch the last rays of sunlight skip across the water.
'Plus he cooked breakfast.' He had tried to make light of the act that first morning but had actually been pleased as hell at the gesture. Blair still cooked breakfast practically every day, including weekends. `I don't even have to ask' Jim thought to himself with a quick smile. It had become a pleasant ritual for them both, having breakfast together. It was nice to wake up to eggs and bacon even if was accompanied with Sandburg's usual diatribe about cholesterol and heart disease. This coming from a kid who eats tongue, ostrich meat and God knows what else in that damn stew of his. Not to mention that peanut butter and sprout sandwich that he left out to get so bad that Jim swore it was beginning to move on its own.
Sandburg was a slob; his room was a wreck maybe not as bad as it once was but still. 'So why didn't I throw him out? I hate having anything around me that isn't clean and organized' Jim mused. Carolyn couldn't handle it; it was one of her pet peeves, yet another reason why he should have known a marriage between them wouldn't work. Sandburg however has stuck it out for over four years. 'I can't be that bad if Sandburg hasn't strangled me with a dishrag.' Jim smirked at how much he had loosened up since the wild haired kid came into his life.
Jim remembered what his life had been like before the curly-haired tornado had whirled into his home with his African masques, earth music and green algae shakes. His life like the loft had been empty, cold and alone. Spartan. Having no pain but no joy either. He smiled as he remembered Simon's reaction to seeing the loft for the first time after it had been Sandburgized.
It had only been Simon's third time to see it, although he has seen it many times since. The first being at his and Carolyn's small wedding reception, the second around the time of their divorce after Carolyn had moved out. Simon had nodded as he looked around at the hangings now adorning the brick walls and the various South American artifacts. "I like it," he simply said which for Simon was a speech.
To Jim the loft had somehow become more, well that it seem to fit him more, his personality with Sandburg's pictures and stuff scattered here and there than with just his belongings alone. It had never felt comfortable like that before. Hell! Carolyn had hated the loft and couldn't get out of there fast enough.
Sandburg was nothing like Carolyn. Carolyn had asked him once before she left for San Francisco what the hell Blair was doing living with him. Although Carolyn didn't actively dislike the grad student she didn't feel at ease around him either. She thought he was, what was it that she had called him...."odd." Jim smiled; well that was definitely one word that fit Sandburg coming from someone who was such a bastion of middle class values as Carolyn.
She had actually begun to watch Sandburg when he accompanied Jim. Blair never noticed and Jim ignored it. Then she just left. He had been glad; it had started to get awkward at work with her around and him dating Beverly or anyone for that matter.
'And that's another thing. I've ALWAYS dated women, so what the hell is this? Am I gay?' Denial at the thought was his first gut reaction although he grudgingly admitted to himself that he might be, as a memory of Blair's blue eyes dancing with enthusiasm as he explained one of his crazy Sentinel theories instantly filled his body with a hunger unlike any other.
Shit! Even after four years he still hadn't gotten a good look at Blair. He had only managed to get a glance of his roommate's slim lightly muscled body during the times it needed patching up from injuries sustained from hanging around him. Hardly a romantic setting but it was the closest that he had ever seen Sandburg naked. He was so damn modest. It always amused and surprised him, considering the tribes and exotic places Sandburg had been to. Unless Sandburg felt something, besides the cold of course that made him feel leery about being unclothed around Jim. Jim shook his head slightly in denial, that didn't feel right. Blair had always appeared to be completely at ease in his presence, in his damn face even. Hell Blair was the one who always seemed to be right next to him, touching him.
'And why did you let him touch you? You never let any of the other guys you work with do that, not Jack, not even Simon and you've known him the longest?' a small voice asked from deep within himself.
'Because it felt okay, it felt good...and I enjoyed it' he finally admitted to himself.
He enjoyed it when Blair would give his stomach a little casual pat with the palm of his hand. Jim's eyes closed once again as he remembered all the little casual touches of Blair's hands on his shoulder, arms and against his chest. He sighed with desire. He realized now that subconsciously he had hungered for those little physical demonstrations of affection.
And he reciprocated those casual touches tenfold; even now he couldn't remember a single day that he didn't affectionately touch Sandburg at least once. He was always giving Blair brief pats on his arms, legs, and face. Sandburg didn't seem to mind. He never said anything about it. Okay, so he liked touching Blair. He always had, even in the beginning when he had just met the talkative grad student.
'So WHY didn't I do something about it? I mean if I enjoy his caresses and touching him so much, why didn't I realize it before now?' Jim wondered as he tried to figure out what had changed in the years since he had met the cheerful kid.
He had always hated the idea of being the subject of that damn paper. Jim had been willing to let it go because Sandburg needed it to get his degree and he swore that his subject would remain anonymous. Jim had come to hate the paper even before he had read that preliminary chapter during the Holidays. Jim always wondered in a small corner of his mind if Blair was thinking about writing the paper when he talked and watched him. But that was all over. Sandburg had destroyed his own reputation and the dissertation's credibility to protect him.
He was glad that it was finally over, he just wasn't happy that Sandburg had lost his chance at getting his doctorate in Anthropology. The paper though was now no longer the constant worry in his head that it had been since the beginning.
'It was there all along' Jim finally acknowledged as he ran his right hand anxiously through his short brown hair. 'I just never saw it or didn't want to see it.' He knew he was a coward plain and simple when it came down to emotional involvements. Jim suspected that this was one of the main reasons that he avoided calling Sandburg by his first name as much as possible. He had been trying to distance himself from his attraction to Blair from the very start.
'So what do I do now?' Jim thought to himself as he stood up. 'Do I tell Blair that I love him and risk destroying the most important relationship of my life? Our friendship.' The thought of Blair leaving made Jim's heart constrict in panic as he started walking home in the dark, his mind still awash in anxiety although now for a different reason.
The living room was dark as he let himself into the apartment. Sandburg had apparently already gone to bed. It was already past eleven and Jim knew that he had an appointment with his lawyer tomorrow. Jim hadn't realized that he had been gone for so long. He made sure that the door and the balcony windows were locked. He was setting the timer on the coffee machine to begin brewing at 8 when a sleepy hair-tousled Sandburg stumbled into the kitchen wearing a thin white t-shirt and boxers, his storm blue eyes squinting blearily into the bright kitchen light.
"Hey Jim," Blair mumbled as a yawn escaped his mouth. He had walked over to the counter and gotten a glass from the cabinet before his mind caught up to the fact that Jim hadn't replied to his greeting. Concern flashed over his face as he turned to Jim who was standing by the coffee maker with a very peculiar expression on his face. One Blair had never seen before. He walked to stand directly in front of Jim, the glass still in his left hand.
"Jim, are you all right?" Blair gently asked as his right hand reached up to touch Jim's upper arm. Jim's light blue eyes just continued to gaze at him as if in bewilderment.
Jim's right hand reached out and gently took the glass out of Blair's hand and placed it on the counter while his left hand reached up to cup the right side of Blair's face, his thumb running lightly along the jaw-line. Jim's cool blue eyes were looking intently into Blair's ocean blue ones as he took a step closer and bent down towards him.
Blair's body went still as Jim came closer and gently eased his lips over his with a firm exhilarating pressure. Ice blue eyes continued to look directly into dark blue as the tip of Jim's tongue began to questioningly trace Blair's lips. Blair opened his mouth allowing Jim full access.
Blair's blue eyes continued to stare into steel blue ones as he felt the incredible tongue enter his mouth and begin to aggressively thrust against his own. His hands came to lie flat against Jim's muscular chest as he began to kiss back just as forcefully, his sapphire blue eyes never leaving Jim's sky blue as his own tongue plunged periodically into Jim's hot mouth.
The feel of Blair's tongue dance against his own made Jim's glacier blue eyes turn dark with lust. He abruptly ended the rough kiss with one last brush of his tongue against Blair's and stepped firmly away, his intense blue eyes still unflinchingly meeting Blair's as they had throughout the entire encounter.
The invisible link between their eyes was broken as Jim suddenly turned and walked to the living room where he sat heavily down on the couch. Blair's bewildered blue eyes followed his best friend as his right hand reached up to wonderingly finger his bruised lips, still feeling the impression of Jim's mouth pressed hard against his own.
'What the hell is going on?' Blair asked himself with a visible shake of his head in an attempt to break free of the dazed state he was in. Blair's eyes once again sought out his roommate who appeared to be sitting calmly with his head resting on the back of the couch, while he Mr. Brilliant was beginning to have a mental breakdown.
'Jim kissed me!' Blair's mind couldn't seem to get passed it, no matter how hard he tried. He closed his eyes as he tried to get a grip on the myriad of emotions he was feeling, the foremost being panic. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled as he calmed. A determined look came over his face as he resolutely decided to get to the bottom of whatever 'this' was. He started a pot of coffee brewing before leaving the kitchen. He had a feeling that it was going to be a long night.
Blair saw that Jim's eyes were closed as he made his way cautiously to sit on the opposite end of the couch. He opened his mouth several times attempting to speak but couldn't decide what to say.
"Why did you do that?" Blair finally managed to utter in what he hoped was a casual tone as he watched Jim out of the right corner of his eyes.
"Jim, man are you still with me?" Blair asked worriedly, starting to think that maybe this whole thing was part of some type of zone-out for the Sentinel.
"Yes...Blair" Jim exhaled, the last word being said so softly that it was inaudible.
Blair tried to contain the urge to shake Jim until his teeth rattled. He could be so damn infuriating at times like these.
"Why. did. you. kiss. me?" Blair asked.
"JIM!" Blair yelled as he turned to fully face the man who still had his eyes closed and his head resting on the back of the couch.
"I wanted to know what it felt like! All right? Jesus!" Jim cried out, his eyes shooting open as he stood up and began pacing up and down by the balcony windows, being very careful to not meet Blair's eyes in the dim light.
"And what!" Jim's strained voice asked.
"What did it feel like?"
"Nice. Just nice?" Blair questioned in an odd tone.
"It was good. Okay it was great! Are you happy now, Romeo?" Jim said as he felt a blush creeping over his face. It wasn't the first time that he was grateful that Sandburg didn't have any Sentinel abilities like heightened vision. He was more nervous right now that when he had first gotten laid at fifteen.
"Yeah," Blair said in a pleased tone as a grin spread across his face before quickly disappearing as his eyes continued to follow the tall dark figure pacing back and forth in front of him.
Several minutes of silence passed as Blair worked up the courage to ask his next question.
`Uh Jim, do you feel something for me?" Blair softly asked while he waited for the answer with bated breath.
Jim's pacing stopped and he turned to look straight out of the balcony windows with his arms resolutely folded across his chest.
Blair rose and carefully walked up to stand directly behind Jim.
"What do you feel?" Blair breathed into Jim's back. Jim's eyes shut tightly as he felt the air dispelled by the words caress his back between his shoulder blades.
Jim slowly turned around to face Blair, his gaze once again mesmerized by the clear blue eyes that were looking up at him so intently. His arms unfolded as his right hand reached out to brush aside the wayward curls covering the right side of the handsome face.
"I want you." Jim said as his mouth came down to cover the sweet lips that held the power to destroy him.
Blair closed his eyes as he leaned into the kiss that was tinged with desperation. Blair subtly began to gentle it by softly brushing his tongue against the rough tip, slowing the frequency of the frenzied thrusts. Passion soon replaced despair as their tongues began to twirl and glide against one another in mimicry of the most intimate dance.
Blair's right hand reached up to rest on the back of Jim's neck. His strong fingers soon began to massage out the tension he felt there as his mouth opened to guide Jim's tongue into slower deeper kisses that he could feel throughout his entire body.
Blair's deep blue eyes opened to reveal the hunger that he could see mirrored in Jim's eyes. He pulled his face gently back so that there was a tiny distance between their mouths, although they were still close enough that they were inhaling each other's shaky breaths.
"Are you sure?" Whispered Blair against Jim's lips.
Blair bit his bottom lip as he grasped Jim's hands in his own and began to walk backwards toward the stairs drawing Jim with him. They walked side by side up the stairs, their eyes inexplicably locked once again on each other's.
Blair turned his back to the bed when they reached the top to meet Jim's mouth in a tender shy kiss.
"Have you done this before?" Jim asked softly into his hair as he placed a quick kiss on the top of Blair's head before beginning to nuzzle the soft curly hair.
"I've dated some guys in the past" Blair distractedly said, quickly adding as he felt Jim's body stiffen, "it was before I met you." 'And afterwards it was moot since Jim was straight' Blair thought to himself, 'or at least I thought he was.' The sudden whimper that erupted from his mouth as Jim's mouth tugged on his earring seemed to disprove his previous conclusion. His hands clutched Jim's arms for support as his legs suddenly went weak as Jim began to bathe the inside of his ear with tiny delicious swipes of his tongue.
Jim gently maneuvered Blair backward to collapse on his bed as he continued his exploration of the body that he was finally, enticingly allowed to openly caress. His tongue's journey continued as it glided down the tanned neck whose tendons were standing out so teasingly that he licked their length down to the collar of Blair's t-shirt. Jim scowled as he realized that they both still had clothes on. Unnecessary clothes.
He grasped the bottom of the white t-shirt as he said, "Blair help me out." Blair quickly held both arms over his head, still prone as Jim adroitly drew the shirt up over his head to toss it to the floor on the left side of the bed. Jim's mouth took advantage of its proximity to Blair's mouth with several quick thrusts of his tongue into the hot wetness that he was already beginning to crave. He had drawn back with one knee resting on the bed while his other leg was standing straight on the floor when Blair sat up and began to rapidly unbutton his shirt, kissing each section of smooth bare skin as it was revealed. Jim's shirt soon joined Blair's when all of a sudden Jim felt Blair hesitate with his hands on Jim's belt buckle.
Jim looked down into Blair's uncertain blue eyes. He nodded his permission and Blair's ministrations continued as the buckle then the button of his pants were quickly taken care of. The feel and sight of Blair's big strong hand on his zipper made his cock unbearably hard. He squeezed his eyes shut, as he was suddenly awash in intense stirrings of lust as he felt Blair begin to slowly draw open his zipper.
Jim's right hand suddenly thrust itself into Blair's hair and pulled his head back for a fierce deep-throated kiss. He quickly released his hold on Blair only long enough to kick off his shoes and drag off his remaining clothes.
Blair's eyes went wide as he saw what he had only seen a handful of times before: James Joseph Ellison out of control. While Jim all but ripped his own remaining clothes off, Blair quickly got under the covers into the bed and slipped his boxers off.
With a growl Jim pulled back the comforter and sheet. "I want to see you!" He ground out as his lust-filled eyes feasted on the trim toned body that was finally revealed to his hungry sight. Although Sandburg's body was smaller than his own it was by no means less masculine, as evidenced by the short black hair that covered his chest before narrowing down to a line that drew Jim's eyes unerringly down the compact body to rest on the cock that was growing beautifully erect before his very eyes.
'Damn! The kid is almost as big as I am,' Jim thought incredulously, 'who would have guessed.'
The feel of Jim's stare as it traveled down his body to rest on his dick made Blair's entire body flush darker with lust. This coupled with the sight of Jim's tall perfectly muscled body standing proudly erect in every sense made Blair begin to pant with need.
"Jim!" Blair cried out desperate to touch the magnificent body. The mattress sank lower as 192 pounds of smooth hard muscle began to make its way onto the bed. Blair's legs were slightly spread apart as he watched Jim crawl on hands and knees up over his body, the reddish cock standing temptingly out from Jim's groin. The pressure of Jim's muscular thighs on either side of his hips made Blair gasp in pleasure as Jim's balls and cock brushed slightly against his own as Jim straddled him. His hands quickly reached to trail caressingly up the strong muscles in Jim's arms to fall down to circle the small hard waist. 'Jim's skin felt so incredible, it was so fucking smooth, nothing like his own hairy body,' thought Blair as he moved his hands down to cup and squeeze Jim's hard muscled buttocks.
The feel of Blair's hands on his body put Jim on over drive. His tongue had resumed its exploration of Blair's neck along his collarbone when the feel of strong hands on his butt made Jim moan into the skin beneath his tongue. The frequency of the licks from his tongue in the depressions along Blair's neck and shoulder became frenzied as Jim felt lined palms move caressingly to his stomach where they began to trace the outlines of his abdominal muscles. Jim's tongue made its way quickly down the hairy chest to the dark nub. His teeth bit gently into the nipple before his mouth swallowed it and began to deeply suck.
Blair's neck arched and his head flew sharply backwards as the sensation of Jim's teeth on his right nipple shot fire straight to his groin. His hands closed reflexively against Jim's hard washboard stomach in a need to control the tense feelings permeating throughout his body. His hands soon returned to their previous hold on Jim's hips. Blair's fingers dug into Jim's buttocks as Ellison's tongue continued to alternately lick, bite, and suck on his nipple. Blair's breathing began to speed up drastically as Jim's right hand found the small gold ring pierced through his left nipple and began to play with it by flicking it up slightly with his forefinger.
The increased sound of Blair's harsh breathing brought Ellison's head up to look at his lover's face as he was fast approaching orgasm. Jim's mouth drew his head up to cover Blair's panting lips with his own, quickly delving into the shadowy hot wetness that made fire run through his veins.
Blair's mouth opened wider in a smothered gasp, his blue eyes flying open to watch his lover's rigid face as Jim slipped the lower half of his body between Blair's legs, spreading them further apart as he slid his aroused cock fully against Blair's for the first time. Jim's hands were on both sides of Blair's head supporting his weight, the nerve twitching rapidly on the left side of his jaw when his light blue eyes suddenly caught and held Blair's in an intensely intimate look.
Jim began to slowly and deliberately thrust his cock against Blair's body, his own pulse rate skyrocketing at the moan he felt Blair give from deep within his mouth. Blair was drowning in a sea of hot sucking kisses and the incredible friction between their bodies. He began to move his own hips desperately in response to Jim's. His iron grip on Jim's hips increasing the force at which their two bodies met each time. His actions were soon rewarded with a hot wetness as he ejaculated against Jim's thrusting body.
Jim's hips stilled as his eyes soaked in the incredible expression in Blair's dark blue eyes. They glittered with some indescribable emotion as Blair began to shudder deliciously beneath his body.
Jim used the added slickness provided by Blair's come to begin to hump increasingly faster against Blair's groin until he felt his testicles tighten and he came with a loud deep groan that forced his tongue out of the paradise of Blair's mouth.
Jim collapsed onto the bed by Blair's right side, breathing heavily. Exhausted breathing from both men filled the loft for several loud minutes.
"I love you Blair."
Blair's eyes flew wide open in shock. He had deliberately not read anything into 'this' other than sex. He turned and laid across Jim's chest to stare searchingly into the familiar light blue eyes. His heart rate, which had sped up at the incredible words, slowed at what he found.
Blair leaned down to press his lips to Jim's, unknowingly putting all the love that he had always felt in some manner for his best friend into the kiss.
The love that shined from the bright blue eyes made Jim's breath catch in wonder. The incredible sensation of Blair's marvelous rough tongue entwined with his own as it went slowly deeper into his mouth sending shivers up and down his spine.
"I don't even have words to describe what that felt like" Blair muttered into Jim's soft smooth chest on which the right side of his face rested, feeling the rise and fall of Jim's breathing.
"Not bad for a rookie, eh Chief?" Jim teased subtly making Blair aware of his own sexual inexperience where men were concerned.
"Oh man! I think I am in real trouble," Blair groaned as his already semi-erect cock began to stiffen even more at the thought of Ellison's future male lovemaking skills after a little more practice.
Blair tilted his face up to glance at Jim. The strong chiseled face relaxing as Jim fell asleep. Blair continued to gaze at Ellison with a dazed expression on his face as the enormity of what he and Jim had just done began to hit him full-force. His brain instantly began to panic at the ramifications. 'Oh God, he says he loves me!' His frantic thoughts had not even really begun when Jim's right arm came up to hug Blair's head back down against his chest.
"Go to sleep Sandburg." Jim gruffly muttered cradling the curly haired head gently.
The tension that had begun to build in Blair's body seemed to magically disappear at the touch of Jim's masculine hand. His blues eyes soon began to droop as the comforting sound of Jim's steady heartbeat underneath his ear lulled him to sleep.
Later that morning-Blair
Blair Sandburg awoke to the feel of a strong body pressed up against his back. He kept his eyes closed in a lame attempt to deny the reality of what, or more to the point who he was going to see snuggled up against him so comfortably. 'Please tell me that Jim did not say that he loved me' Blair thought desperately to himself. Blair fought the urge to run as far and fast as he possibly could. He knew he wouldn't get further than his bedroom. Not now, hell not even before last night. Leaving Jim had ceased to be an option the second Jim's spirit animal had guided him back to life. Hell! It had never been an option.
He knew logically what the problem was; it was just emotionally that he was freaking out at the intense emotion that had filled his soul ever since Jim had uttered those three damn words. His carefully constructed world had shattered in a thousand pieces. His feelings for his friend before last night had been extremely strong, but now they were off the freaking scale. What he felt when he thought of Jim now went so far beyond love that there were no words in any of the half a dozen languages he knew to describe it. James Joseph Ellison now had the power to completely destroy him.
Blair's eyes opened and shifted slightly to the right as he glanced down to see the side of Jim's naked body, his groin pressing slightly against the lower part of his buttocks. He had stolen the covers while they had slept leaving Ellison completely bare.
Although his mind might be awash in fear and doubts, his body had none. The realization that the slight pressure brushing against the hairs on the back of his thighs was actually Jim's relaxed cock made Blair's dick harden immediately. Shit!
He quietly and carefully extricated himself from the bed, intensely glad that Jim's right hand was only loosely lying on his right covered hip. Jim's body shifted at his furtive movements to lie back flat on the bed.
He shivered in the cool spring morning air, as he stood naked by the bed. He began looking down at the floor hurriedly searching for his clothes. He found his boxers at the foot of the bed, which he quickly put on. The shirt he finally found buried underneath Jim's halfway under the dresser. He put on Jim's shirt over his own unthinkingly as he openly gazed at the beautiful masculine body now sleeping sprawled on the bed. Jim looked younger as he slept. His usual tense visage relaxed into a softness that Blair's hands were itching to explore like a sculptor.
Blair audibly sighed. 'Why can't my life be simple just for once?' Blair thought desperately to himself. 'Why couldn't it just be sex...why do I have to love him?'
Blair began to walk alongside the bed, his mind filled with tormenting thoughts of the future and Ellison's reaction.
Later still that morning-Jim
Amazingly it wasn't the bright late sunlight that woke James Ellison up, but the repeated sound of heavy footsteps as they strode nearby.
Jim opened his drowsy eyes to see his new lover anxiously pacing by the bed wearing the blue shirt Jim had on yesterday over his t-shirt and boxers.
"You look good in my clothes" Jim said with a small cheerful grin.
Blair whirled in surprise to find Jim awake and looking at him. He looked dazedly down at the royal blue shirt he had borrowed.
"I was cold" he said with a shrug, completely unaware of how hypnotically blue his eyes appeared against the shirt.
Jim however was soon made very physically aware of how desirable he found Blair as his body sat up and took immediate notice of his avid interest in the deliciously rumpled curly-haired man who was standing nervously by the bed.
"Spit it out Sandburg!" Jim growled, his good mood totally blown after being stared at by Silent Blair for a couple of very long minutes. Jim grabbed one of the extra pillows and placed it behind him to support his back against the railing as he sat up in bed.
Blair took a deep breath. "What does all 'this' mean?" He blurted out with a left-handed gesture to the bed and Jim.
Jim scowled at the question, "What the hell do you think it means?"
"That's just it Jim, I don't know what to think? What do you expect from me? From this?" His gesture once again encompassing the bare-chested Jim whom thankfully had pulled up the covers up to his waist covering the lower half of his naked body.
Jim's face went still as he seriously considered the question. To be quite honest he had actually not thought it or this out so far. Last night his only two real concerns was how or even if he should tell Blair that he was in love with him and what Blair's reaction would be to the news. I mean last night he had been thinking rationally, that is until Blair had stumbled into the kitchen looking so damn tempting in his t-shirt and boxers. After that, all his plans of taking it slow and romancing Blair went out the friggin window.
"I mean look at it from my point of view, man" Blair agitatedly began, "THIS is coming out of nowhere. My best friend for four years, who is as straight as anyone I thought could be in this freaked-out world, comes home and BAM! tells me he wants me. I feel like I've been socked in the head by a baseball bat. My brain is having a little trouble catching up, okay."
"You didn't seem to have any trouble last night," Jim pointed out.
Blair shrugged as if to say 'Hell, I am a guy what do you expect.'
"Last night I might not have been thinking too clearly," he finally offered in response. Actually Blair had known exactly what he was doing but he wasn't going to tell Jim that. 'Him turn down SEX WITH JIM, not in this lifetime' he thought to himself.
"So you regret it. Is that it? You wish that last night didn't happen?" Jim anxiously demanded.
"No, of course not Jim" Blair assured him as he quickly stepped forward and sat on the bed facing Jim.
"It's just that sex is the easy part, the rest is what gets so damn complicated if it isn't handled right away. Things sometime look pretty damn different in the cold light of day. I just want to know that we are both on the same wavelength here, about this."
"Sounds good," Jim said as his right hand unconsciously reached out and began to tenderly untangle the long brown curls on the left side of Blair's head.
"What? Oh, Umm sorry" Jim said sheepishly as he buried his wayward hand under the covers to join his other one.
"Now, where were we? Yeah, now what exactly do you expect from a relationship with me, Jim?"
"You in my bed." Blair smiled at that since technically he was already in Jim's bed, on it anyway.
"Exclusively. No more dating for either one of us. A long-term commitment," Jim stated his serious eyes probing the blue ones that were staring into his own.
"I can do that," Blair promised. "What about the station and Simon, do we let everyone know that we are together?"
"I'm not in the habit of parading my private life at work, Sandburg" Jim brusquely said.
"I'll take that as a definite no, which is okay with me man. I totally agree. I'm not anxious for everyone to find out I'm bi-sexual."
"So is that everything, Darwin?" Jim asked as he released his hands from their temporary prison and reached out to pull Blair's face closer to his.
"Um...yeah" was all Blair managed to utter before his mouth was covered by Jim's firm lips in a very good, good morning kiss.
"I think the rest can wait," Blair muttered softly some time later as he began giving quick teasing kisses to Jim's moist lips as he smoothly laid his body down across Jim's. Blair however suddenly found himself looking up into Ellison's grinning face as he was playfully rolled over in a single swift move.
"Have I told you how sexy you look this morning, Sandburg?" Jim huskily questioned as his sky blue eyes devoured the attractive face lying in the midst of long red-brown curls.
"You know Jim, Oscar Wilde once said: In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."
"Well, we will just have to prove him wrong, won't we Chief?" Jim replied as he looked steadily into Blair's beautiful blue eyes.
Blair's answering smile spoke louder than words as he reached up to pull Jim's head down for a kiss.