Author's disclaimer: No profit made. Pet Fly, UPN and Paramount own them.
Author's notes: Story takes place the summer following the events in TSbBS. Blair is still teaching at Rainier-how & why is answered in the story. Blair and Jim are not known publicly as a romantic couple. First in a planned series. No actual sex;just foreplay. Not beta'd. All mistakes are mine. Author's first senslash fic posting. Feedback graciously requested.
Dinner Can Wait
"Hey man, what's up?" called Blair as he shrugged out of his jacket while closing the front door of the loft. "It was my night to cook dinner," he said as he hung up his jacket on a hook by the door.
Jim didn't answer, but just continued stirring whatever was in the steaming pot on the stove with brisk stiff strokes. As Blair continued towards his old bedroom, now primarily used as an office, he began to sense the tension exuding from his tall handsome lover. Realizing from past experience that a direct question of 'What's wrong, Jim?' would get him exactly nowhere, Blair continued with his usual chatter.
"Man, you will not believe the day I have had. We had a fire drill this morning, of course right in the middle of this morning's thunderstorm. Thankfully, my students and I waited it out in the building next to us, Lipscomb Hall. Well that threw my whole schedule out of whack. I did have several student meetings scheduled after class that I had to do, which made me late to a faculty meeting." Blair didn't need to remind Jim that he was trying to keep a low profile since the fiasco of his dissertation going public and its subsequent retraction as fraudulent.
Jim didn't acknowledge Blair' presence at all during his verbal spiel. He just continued cutting up the celery and other salad ingredients as Blair brushed past him to enter his 'study.' Blair took a deep breath within the sanctuary of the room as he tossed his backpack on the desk.
Something major had pissed Jim off. Blair just knew that it was something he had done, but as he racked his brain for possible answers he came up with nothing. 'Shit! Forget This! The direct approach it would have to be' he decided.
He stormed into the kitchen with "All right Jim, what the hell did I do?" Jim's only response was the clenching of his perfectly defined jaw, making it twitch with a vengeance. Mr. Stoic was alive and well.
Jim's eyes flicked pointedly towards the direction of the answering machine whose flashing red light indicated several messages waiting to be heard.
'Progress!' thought Blair as he hurried over to the machine to find out what had gotten Jim's ire up. Three messages were recorded. The first two messages were just telemarketer solicitations. He hit paydirt with the last one. A woman's soft voice came through the small speaker, "Blair, I have to work a little later than I thought on Friday...will pushing our dinner to 7:30 be all right? Call me if it's a problem, otherwise I'll see you then. Bye."
Blair deleted the message before walking back towards the kitchen and Jim. "Your upset about me going to dinner with Kim?" he asked incredulously. "We are just friends, man and she has a boyfriend named Christopher." Blair said as he came up beside Jim to see what was for dinner. Blair could tell that Jim was deliberately ignoring him. His silent dinner preparations continued even more forcefully. When Jim slammed the cabinet door making all the dishes rattle ominously within, Blair cried "Whoa, Jim! The cabinet's not resisting."
He walked into the kitchen area, deliberately placing himself directly in front of Ellison. Jim efficiently maneuvered around Blair as he continued to set the table. Blair placed a tentative hand on Jim's right arm as he returned to the stove area. "Come on, man! I don't believe that your jea...!" Blair wasn't even able to get the rest of the word out of his mouth before Jim had him backed up against the refrigerator.
"I...AM...NOT...JEALOUS." Jim said into Blair's face which was now less than an inch away from his. Jim punctuated his statement with a fierce kiss that seemed to last forever to Blair. The kiss although angry was very arousing. Blair could feel his cock quickly hardening in response to the tongue thrusting deep into his mouth. When Jim broke the kiss and began nuzzling his neck behind his left ear, Blair knew he was in trouble. He wouldn't be able to form a coherent thought soon if he didn't stop this now and Jim knew that, Damn him!
Blair knew that Jim's reaction to his dinner plans with Kim had brought out some sort of territorial response. Jim after all was a man of action and not a talker. Blair gasped as Jim proved just how 'hands on' he was as he lifted Blair's T-shirt and began sucking his left nipple.
'Oh God!' Blair thought as he felt Jim's erection brush against his abdomen. One of Jim's legs was between his own and thrusting against his groin suggestively. Blair knew that if he had sex with Jim right now, that he would take it as some sort of acquiescence on Blair's part. That he wouldn't have dinner with Kim or whomever. They needed to talk about Blair's plans and Jim's very obvious problems with them.
Jim's hands were busy fumbling with Blair's belt when Blair grabbed them. "Jim we need to talk," Blair said into Jim's left ear that was so temptingly close to his mouth. Jim had his head bent down,with his full attention on the mission of undoing Blair's belt buckle. Jim's hands easily broke Blair's hold as they resumed their task.
Jim's mouth had resumed nuzzling Blair's neck, when Blair gasped out, "That's enough, Jim." Jim's administrations didn't slow. He now had his right hand inside the front of Blair's jeans, fondling Blair's very aroused cock. "Jim, man...stop...NO JIM!"
Jim stilled as the word penetrated his heated brain. He brought up his head to gaze into the beautiful blue eyes of his lover to verify that he had heard what he thought he had just heard. "Jim, we need to talk," Blair panted, as he looked up into Jim's lust-ridden eyes that were also filled with surprise. This was the first time that Blair had said no to sex with Jim in the 8 1/2 weeks that they had been sleeping together.
Jim's hands dropped away from Blair's body as if they burned and he quickly took three strides backwards to distance himself from Blair. Jim's breathing was very uneven and his hands were clenched into fists as he tried to regain control. Blair re-fastened his jeans and straightened his shirt in an attempt to ease the sexual tension that was now in the room.
Blair was well aware that Jim was physically able to force him to continue if he wanted. One of the many advantages to his covert op, military and cop training, but Blair also knew that Jim would rather die than hurt him. Jim was 6 feet of rock hard muscle that could as easily kill a man as cook him dinner. Dinner. Blair glanced over at the stove expecting to find a smoking and very burnt dinner, but the chicken and spaghetti were perfect.
"You turned off the stove." Blair inanely stated into the silence. Jim's eyes were closed as he continued to try to calm his body down. The sight of Blair was too arousing right now. He had to consciously keep his hands clenched to keep them from reaching for Blair and finishing what they had begun.
"Jim, are you all right?" he heard Blair ask in a concerned voice. The rustling of footsteps told him that Blair had begun to move closer towards him. "Don't touch me right now Chief," Jim said hoarsely. "Oh, okay." Blair said as he stepped back realizing that Jim was still striving for control.
"Jim, about Kim..." began Blair. Jim's eyes snapped open revealing anger as well as desire.
"There is nothing for you to be...upset about. There are no romantic feelings between us at all. NONE! Zip, nada Jim. That's part of the reason she asked me out to dinner. She overheard me telling someone that I couldn't go out with them because I was in a committed relationship. I have nothing else to do Friday night. You are going to be on the Francis stakeout with Brown. I figured it would be the perfect time for Kim and I to catch up with each other," Blair calmly finished.
Jim just continued to look at Blair with a glare that could cut diamonds. Blair tried again to penetrate the thick skull of his lover. "I also thought it was the perfect cover. After all everybody at the station will assume that it IS a romantic date. I mean it would seem awfully suspicious to everyone, if I stayed home alone on a Friday night with my history," Blair calmly stated, hoping this would at least get a verbal response from Jim.
"I don't want you to go out with her, " Jim grimly replied. "I get that Jim, but why?" Jim just gave a little wordless shake of his head. "Is it because Kim is a woman? She's a friend, man. Next thing you are going to be saying you don't want me to go out to eat or to the movies with Rob or any of my other friends." Jim's body noticeably stiffened at the words.
"Dammit Jim, that is SO not fair. I don't say anything when you and Simon go out for drinks after work, or when you go out to lunch with Taggart and the guys. This isn't any different." Jim just looked away, over Blair's head, out the loft windows anywhere but into his lover's hurt blue eyes. He didn't want Blair to see his possessive jealousy.
"I am not going to stop going out with my friends, Jim" Blair stated emphatically, "male or female. I will not sit patiently home alone while you're at work, like some good little cop-wife."
"You're just trying to punish me because I won't go public about us," Jim angrily retorted. Blair just sighed.
"Jim, we have been over this. I do not want to go public. Being in an openly gay relationship is too risky right now. Rainier is just as conservative in many ways as the Cascade PD. The only way it is even an option is if you already have tenure and are well-known enough to call your own shots. It is especially not an option for ex-grad students who are trying to avoid having to pay back 4 years of fellowship money by teaching 4 summer classes pro bono. I do not have a problem with keeping our relationship between us. I am not the one who keeps beating that particular dead horse."
Blair casually crossed his arms across his chest, wondering what Jim was going to come up with next in an attempt to avoid telling him what was really behind his jealousy. Blair went still as the reason for Jim's jealous behavior hit him.
He walked over to Jim and stood before him, "Look at me" Blair ordered. Jim's eyes slowly lowered until he was looking directly into his lover's open gaze. "You don't trust me," Blair savagely asked, "Do you?" Jim didn't say anything, but the doubts present in his eyes were answer enough for Blair. He closed his eyes in despair and began to turn away.
"I do trust you, Blair" Jim sighed as he reached out to halt Blair's retreat. Jim's hands framed his lover's face in a gentle caress as he looked into his eyes. "It's just that I can't get my mind around the idea that you want a middle-aged cop with his crazy house rules." Jim's right hand began to tenderly comb through Blair's curls. "You are so damn smart, young and beautiful. A voice keeps whispering to me that one day you are going to get tired and leave." 'Like everyone else' Jim thought to himself.
Blair could see the deep pain and insecurity in Jim's eyes and began to mentally curse Jim's mother for abandoning him and his brother Stephen. Grace's abandonment of Jim began the pyramid of insecurity, betrayal and distrust that Jim had come to expect from those closest to him. Jim's father perfected the harsh lesson for his eldest son. Jim had told him how William Ellison had set up his sons as bitter rivals for any scraps of his affection. As a result Jim hadn't talked to either his father or his brother for 15 years until a couple of years ago.
Blair reached up to pull Jim's face down to his until their foreheads touched one another. Jim closed his eyes and turned up the dials on his sense of touch, and smell as Blair's face gently leaned against his. The air currents stirred by Blair's voice felt like tiny caresses against Jim's lips.
"Jim, I love you and I am not going anywhere. I lived with the obsessive clean freak with his zillion house rules, no music playing after 10 PM, 'Dammit Sandburg! pick up your wet towels' for FOUR years, man. I knew all your little quirks and hangups and I STILL fell in love with you. I know what I am doing here. You can't drive me away. Have faith in me, if you don't have faith in yourself."
When Jim opened his eyes to look into Blair's, he saw what he had already suspected, the other half of his soul. Jim released the breath that he hadn't realized that he had been holding. Blair loved him. He had sacrificed everything for him. Hell! Sandburg had even died. 'What more proof do you want, Ellison?' He shook his head at himself and his doubts. Blair is not going to find someone else and leave. Maybe if he kept saying it over and over it eventually would sink in. He smiled wryly to himself. It would be like one of those mantras that Sandburg was always muttering under his breath. He kissed Blair's eyes as he breathed, "I love you." Jim felt Blair relax into his arms as he claimed the beautiful mouth that tasted like home.
Blair began to passionately kiss Jim back as their recently dampened arousal quickly shifted back to full throttle. "Ah, Jim...What about dinner?" Blair gasped as Jim quickly tossed Blair's shirt to the floor and was once again working on removing Blair's jeans while giving quick short kisses to any part of Blair's body that his mouth could reach.
"Dinner can wait."